Yearning

This week there has been continued emotional growth and healing from Satanic ritual abuse (w/o the programing). As I’ve mentioned previously, I can hardly get enough contact with my Abba and my Bridegroom. They are so loving and kind and I cling to them. Their kisses are truly sweeter than wine. One morning I reached out to draw Abba’s face to mine and to my surprise He reached out His beautiful hands to draw my face to His. As our mouths touched electricity flowed powerfully through me for some extended time. My whole body, spiritually, emotionally, and physically buzzed with His presence. Sometimes the precious Holy Spirit is described as breath or wind. I breathed in Abba’s breath and felt the comforting warmth of His sweet Spirit wrapped around me. It was like drinking the water of Life, and I drank deeply. I want to be saturated with Him inside and out, with pools of water spilling around me on the dry and thirsty ground.

In the past I knelt at the feet of whoever I wanted to give my life to – as in, I didn’t want my life; I wanted to give it away. This was how a spirit of death worked in me – passively. Codependency. People looking on misinterpret what they see but do not understand. They think they see homosexuality or other twisted relationships, but they fail to realize that the emotionally wounded one is seeking Love. Even Christians don’t realize that the only way to fill the God-vacuum within, is with God!

After the gentle Father came to cast out Death and heal the baby, (my first post) I fell at His feet in amazement and wonder. And that’s how I greet Him now – by first kissing His dusty feet with reverence and surrender. He is my God. He is the completion I have longed for all my life.

Each morning I seek this Life-giving contact but each morning it becomes more difficult, so I’m having to reach farther into my spirit for the contact my heart hungers for. It’s like following the carrot at the end of a stick held in front of the donkey. Abba gave His only Son who suffered horribly in the flesh for me. Now, He wants all I am as fair return for His blood sacrifice. I want all He is so I give all I am……

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s