Recently a young teen alter came to one of my worship times with Jesus. She had heard me in past encounters tell Jesus that I wanted no barriers in my life to hinder His presence and His work in me.
I stood back watching as she walked confidently toward the Bridegroom and disrobed before joining Him on the bench where He sat. She lay down with her head in His lap and asked Him to love her. Carefully Jesus lowered His lovely head and kissed her face and lips, caressing her face gently. At last she seemed satisfied, got dressed and walked confidently past me.
I was so ashamed of her boldness I was speechless. I didn’t come to Jesus because I was so ashamed of the teen alter. Instead, I was silent all day. Finally, I heard a song playing in my mind. “There’s no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus, who walk by the Spirit alone (Romans 8:1).” It sang over and over, so I asked the Lord what He was trying to tell me.
The young teen was only imitating what she understood me to be doing and saying to my Bridegroom. Her motives were pure and her desires were pure.
I sat to think about what the Holy Spirit was saying to me. This young alter was to be respected for her trust and commitment to her God and His wise, loving Son. I would do well to show her respect and invite her to integrate with me.
So I called to her and invited her to sit and talk with me. I told her that I admired her passion for her Lord but that her behavior was a little off. I understood her great longing to be loved and accepted for who she was. In fact, I remembered how she had been disrespected by my mother and father and their refusal to acknowledge her physical attractiveness as she matured. I encouraged her to join me and add her courage to my desire to increase my intimacy with Abba and His precious Son. She thought that was an excellent idea so we invited Abba to draw us into one with the help of His gentle Holy Spirit. It was so easy. Not like the stories related by others. The triune God is untamed in power, but tender beyond words to describe.
About this same time I had a vision of a baby perhaps three months old, nursing at breast. The baby’s eyes were on the face of the person feeding her, peaceful and trusting. I asked Abba who the baby was and who was nursing her. He said the baby was one of my very many infant alters. And her name was Grace. The lovely breast she was nursing was mine. Mine?! Gently Abba commented that I was perfectly capable of nurturing the baby alters in my system. He so kindly affirmed my femininity and reminded me of His plans for me when I was first created and then sent at conception to my mother’s womb. Because I’ve never married or had children, my family treats me differently, but my Abba delights in me. That touched my heart deeply and healed places hidden inside that no one but Abba could know about. Father, I worship You.
Since then I’ve had major integrations with baby alters and am profoundly grateful for the strength of their budding personalities and gracious strengths, as with baby Grace. O how I want to reflect the character of my dear Abba, the Treasure of my life.