This post will contain some updating on my healing from Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) or Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). I have shared very personal things with my readers on this blog and don’t wish to repeat what is already available to you. My soverign experience one-on-one with Jesus, then Father God, and now with the precious Holy Spirit has been an incredible adventure and I wouldn’t take anything for my relationship with the humble, gentle, fierce, untamed triune God-head. He is a treasure beyond calculation. He is truly pure and holy. And His correction is with such compassion that it has broken my heart but brought me strength and a deeper trust in Him that can better be experienced than described. I don’t have words to tell you His patience and even His keen sense of humor. For example, Bill Johnson said when we ask to be filled with God, we better hope we leak. I laughed and laughed. Do I leak? I don’t know, but I don’t have a lid on, so when the Lover of my soul comes to fill me I just spill freely until the dry ground around me is saturated and so am I. The almighty God is infinite and He never runs low on Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Gentleness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Humility, Self-restraint; so I draw on Him freely many times throughout a day.
The Holy Spirit is my protector and defender. One night I awakened suddenly to catch a glimpse of the Holy Spirit flashing across in front of me from right to left. Then I saw a small dart speeding from the left toward my heart. It failed to strike and I fell asleep again. In the morning I checked my body and spirit for injury but found none. Apparently the sweet Spirit intercepted the dart before it reached me. Only in Heaven will I know all the times He protected me as I dwelt in the shadow of Abba’s wings. The times He lets me see His protection increases my trust in His possessive watchfulness.
I feel like I am born anew although I have been a strong believer all my adult life. Yet I have never known His Love like I am enjoying Him now. And He is very intimate in His purity. We are so focused on the material/natural world that we interpret His passion as being physical when nothing could be farther from the truth. He IS Love! And we are made to need His Love. His Love in me and my love given back with the help of the Holy Spirit is what I am created to do/be. That discovery is what I was born for – and it has taken a lifetime to find it, but oh, what a discovery!
I love the old hymns. The music to “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” is beautiful, but the sentiment “prone to wander, Lord, I feel it” is quite a negative statement. How would your spouse feel if you said that to him/her? Or if he/she said that to you? If marriage is a commitment for life, how much more should our commitment to Jesus be for eternity? In my faithfulness to Him I find the hidden joy of committed love, and that is my Source of wealth. He makes me rich.
Recently I had opportunity to share just a little of my early life with an old schoolmate that also had an abusive early life. She listened carefully and commented that most people had trauma at some point in their lives and need healing. For someone who doesn’t know Jesus well, she was perceptive. But I discovered an unhealed spot in my heart – that I had to describe the treatment I received from my parents in order to explain my need for integration of alters and healing for my griefs and sorrows. For truly I love my parents and am thankful that they both gave their hearts to Jesus and are waiting for me in Heaven.