Vows and Lies

Note: This is not a teaching on marriage. It is an incident I experienced with Jesus.

Recently a friend called. The conversation was okay on the surface but something was wrong. There was an edginess to her voice that raised the hair on my arms. I had asked if I might visit her and her husband for an overnight – the drive was too much for going and returning all in one day. She had several reasons why they wouldn’t be able to have a guest until later in the year, and I was even further mystified. Then she commented that I couldn’t possibly understand her because I had never been married. I was puzzled because I had made no reference to their marriage.

When we hung up I went straight to the Holy Spirit for some understanding. Was my friend acting out some lies she believed about her marriage? Then my mind went to vows I had made about marriage as I observed my parents’ relationship. I had vowed to never get married because I was convinced that I could never be an adequate wife and mother. And I was determined I would never submit to the treatment my mother received. I didn’t respect either of my parents – Mom because she was emotionally weak and submissive to abuse, and sometimes even helped her husband  beat us. My dad because he was verbally and physically violent.

I recognized these attitudes as vows I made to try to protect myself, so I quickly broke them and emphatically commanded any demons inhabiting those vows to be gone. Then I asked Jesus to forgive me for judging my parents. Period. I then asked Jesus to restore to me what I had forfeited through those vows.

Over the last nine months during the massive healing of alters and fragments, I have enjoyed the overwhelming love of my heavenly Father and His only Son Jesus, my Bridegroom. I had moved from begging for His love to learning to be quiet and simply receive His tender love. As I thought about what God intended mankind to understand about His love, the impact of human marriage, with all its limitations, began to dawn on me. As I quietly submitted to Jesus, He poured Himself out to me. All I had to do was receive. The human husband’s part was similar to Jesus’ role with me. But the human husband not only was to be a source of intimate love to his wife but he was expected to submit to his heavenly Bridegroom as well.

As I was conversing with the precious Holy Spirit there were many yellow sparkles in the room and I knew the angels were interested in the conversation, too.

My love-relationship with Jesus was one of submission to receive His love and pleasure with me. In marriage He intended for there to be submission to receive love and respect. Seldom did I see a marriage like that because men appeared to believe they owned their wives and children, yet Jesus never treated me like I was chattel. What I observed didn’t change God’s purpose for marriage, so I moved on into my Lord with a greater trust and admiration for His kindness and respect for me even when I was rebellious.

A giant fire-works display interrupted my train of thought and I stopped to watch as angels gathered in troops of blue colors, red, yellow, green, and catapulted into the air to come down in various shapes like waterfalls, star-bursts, hearts. They kept their shape and beautiful colors as they slowly drifted all the way back down in formation. Such stunning beauty and color.

The flash of understanding in my spirit made Jesus so happy that He ordered the fire-works. His joy at my understanding His purpose of revealing Himself in the analogy of human marriage filled me with awe and a deeper respect for His wisdom and grace.

Jesus’ plan for marriage is to reflect His love for His bride. Of course, marriage between a man and woman falls short because humanity is flawed. God intended for husbands to tenderly care for their wives and children as they submitted to and served each other in mutual love and respect.  Yet husbands themselves must submit to their Lord, as well. I understood that concept because my greatest pleasure is making my Bridegroom happy. With this new freedom from the bondage of ungodly vows and a deeper understanding of His heart, I have luxuriated in Jesus these last few days, sometimes intensely. Even days later I am still seeing lots of yellow sparkles.

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