Second-Hand Chest of Drawers

A couple of weeks ago I bought a used chest of drawers for my bedroom. The first two nights the chest was in my bedroom I had very bad dreams and defiling, filthy thoughts. That was so disturbing to me that I gave serious thought to the source of the disturbance.

Eventually I recalled buying a second-hand TV stand several years ago and how it seemed to permeate the atmosphere in my living room with filthiness. Possibly the stand had held a DVD player that the former owner had used for R rated movies, or pornography. I anointed the stand with oil and commanded the vibrations of the piece to come into synchronization with my other living room furniture, which it did.

I had bought the chest of drawers from a man who lived with a woman who was not his wife. I knew the woman to be a self-described atheist of poor morals. So I anointed the chest with oil and commanded the vibrations to come into harmony with my other furniture. After that second night I had no more disturbing sleep.

For those of my readers who are not familiar with the idea of inanimate objects having vibrations, I’ve included a link below for more information. As a Christian who takes every thought captive, this information is important in your walk with Jesus. I am not speaking of demon possession in this situation, but I am warning you to pray over the second hand items you bring into your home.

When Emotional Healing Is Complete

Since the first of January 2019 I have felt that my emotional healing journey is complete. There has been a lull in the focus on my soul and I have realized a need to attend to my spirit. That is, the Word says:

I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Thes 5:23).

If a person’s soul has been ravaged by severe abuse and alternate personalities developed, if fragments of one’s soul have shattered, then most likely the spirit of the person has also been deeply wounded.

While the foundation of Dissociation Identity Disorder (DID) is self-hatred, that self-contempt can’t usually be addressed until the emotional wounds have been healed. And I found that to be the case with me. These last two months the precious Holy Spirit has been bringing back bitter root memories and the vows I made. In the recent blog posts I have mentioned some of them and the power of the words I spoke only to myself.

There isn’t much on the Internet to turn to but I have found some teaching that the Holy One has used to bring Light to my understanding. As I sit before Him and ask for His revelation of who I am, I am struck with the complexity of His creation of humanity. Teaching the spirit to take dominion over the soul is actually a journey into the transparency of all that we are. A journey into holiness.

Hebrews 12:14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:

One particular area of my soul has continued to be a problem for me and I have begged the Lord to help my spirit gain dominion over it. I’ve made good progress and recently He gave me this thought from Psalm 131

Lord, my heart is not haughty,

Neither do I concern myself with great matters,

Nor my eyes lofty.

Nor with things too profound for me.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,

Like a weaned child with his mother;

Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

I am no longer struggling with issues to be healed but with issues that require self-discipline. New habits and new ways of thinking need to be crafted. That thought brought me so much understanding and I come before my Lord with confidence but also  humility as I realize that I am a work in progress. The Lord is so kind and faithful and gentle. What an awesome God He is!

Yearning Beyond Words

As I was communing with the Holy One He took me to the Throne Room. Jesus was standing in His glorious shinning robe of Light  trimmed with sparkling jewels of many colors. As I entered, He turned to look at me – really look – in a direct, searching gaze. His face was sober and I knew He was searching my spirit for what lay  within. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that His work was to prepare a Bride worthy of the Father’s only begotten Son.

“Whosoever will may come”. What a mixed group of people have come to the Lord to be redeemed from sin and sorrow! The Holy Spirit embraces each one with love and tenderness and begins the work of preparing them to take their place in the corporate Bride.

I thought of Jacob, the supplanter who became Israel; Elijah, a hairy man dressed in animal skins and fed by black birds; the twelve very human Apostles; the thief on the cross beside the dying Jesus; my recently departed brother who led a hard life before surrendering to Jesus; and countless others we might consider insignificant but precious to the Father and His Son.

As I looked deeply into Jesus’ eyes I could see His inexpressible yearning for His Bride. The depth of His passion stirred me with wonder and reverence.

I thought about the process Esther went through before going in to King Ahasuerus – the baths and spices, lessons in court protocol…. (Esther 2:12). While Jesus has returned to His Father to prepare a place for His Bride, His trusted Friend, the beautiful Holy Spirit, is  preparing us, teaching us, saturating us with His alluring fragrance.

Jesus’ love for a broken, ruined mankind is supremely awesome. He knew before creating us what it would cost Him, yet He withheld nothing to redeem us to Himself. We are His treasure. In Matthew 6:21 Jesus told His listeners that where their treasure was, that’s where their heart would be. Likewise, where is Jesus’ heart? What is Jesus’ treasure? He treasures you and me above everything, even above His own life. He is my sacred Treasure. I look forward to the consummation of our marriage in the near future.  

Bitter Root Judgments

When I was about 7 years old I can remember confiding in my grandmother something that Jesus had said to me and asked her not to tell. But she promptly announced my secret to the rest of the family and I was deeply chagrined. I felt so trashed. Trivialized. I promised myself that I wouldn’t share secrets with anyone ever again. That experience and resulting vow stayed with me throughout my life. I kept the vow but experienced the loneliness of alienation. As a seven year old I didn’t know Hebrews 12:15, nor did I identify with it’s message. Now that I am a fully integrated adult, the Holy Spirit is working in me to develop more awareness of my need for purity of soul and spirit.

Recently I was away from my apartment for extended travel so I asked a trusted friend to keep my check book and personal documents while I was gone. When I returned home I had to ask three times to get my documents and working cash returned. My concern for privacy was completely violated when I saw that nearly all my files were out of order. I felt so betrayed.

After my initial shock wore off the Holy Spirit began to speak to my heart about bitter root judgments and how others are defiled by my bitterness. He brought back the memory of my grandmother’s betrayal. But I had never thought about how my vows could influence others. This time, as an adult, I understood and allowed the precious Holy One to bring light to my understanding. As this revelation began to open up memories, I was crushed at the damage I had done to people I cared about.

Rather than confront the trusted friend who violated my privacy, I realized I had influenced/defiled her and repented for my bitter root judgment of my grandmother. Somehow my friend had misunderstood my reason for not leaving my important papers at home when I traveled.

At other times I have over-reacted to situations where people had not meant to harm me, but I misinterpreted their actions and words because of those inner vows made so long ago and then forgotten.

Repenting of vows made and falling out of agreement with them is extremely important when you consider that it frees you to experience deeper, sweeter intimacy with the precious Bridegroom. It’s worth the pain of realization of your/my sin. (See previous post.)  

Hebrews 12:14-15 (NIV) 14 Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.