“Better Felt than Telt”

I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks because I’ve been struggling with growing pains. Since my brother died at the end of December I have been plunged into various griefs, gradually sliding into depression. When I began to grieve my brother’s death the precious Holy One urged me to not look back. My brother’s life was difficult because of the abuse he suffered, but he came to know Jesus at last, and I needed to focus on that major victory.

I was invited to visit a former student in another country but that turned out to be traumatic as both of us had changed substantially. He assured me that my life was useless because my students hated me. I was cut to the core because my profession was a gift from the Lord that I took pleasure in, and now I was being trashed. So I gave it all to Jesus and let Him be my Judge.

For three glorious years I have been cocooned while the precious Lord took me through thorough emotional healing from severe abuse (DID/SRA) (Please see my early posts to follow my journey.). I basked in God’s love and grace and supernatural deliverances. Finally, the sweet Spirit whispered that it was time to move into spiritual adulthood.

My primary function in the Body of Christ is that of intercessor, so I recently  registered for a nearby prayer conference. Hearing what God is doing for our nation and entering into fellowship with others of like precious faith was just what Doctor Jesus ordered! The sense of unity was stronger than I have ever felt in America (We had it in our prayer meetings in China) and I was thrilled.

Now I am home again and refreshed. I know that my teaching experience was NOT a waste of time – that was a lie from the devil; nevertheless, I look forward to much greater things yet to be revealed because God has promised.

It is important for me to share what is happening in my life because there are others behind me who may be wondering why they are going through such rough places in the wilderness. My experience can help explain some of what’s happening in their lives also.

While at the conference I mentioned to several people that I was healed from DID/SRA but they didn’t understand, so there was a lack of appropriate response. Please know that Jesus is pleased with your honest struggles and He will never, ever leave you nor forsake you. You are married to Him and as one with Him. He knows you intimately and loves you so much He took your punishment so that you could be free.

Nothing happens to God’s children by chance. Trust Him. He knows you intimately and will never allow you to walk through more than you can bear. Press against His side and let Him put His arm around you to steady you in your journey. He is an awesome God beyond words to adequately describe. “He is better felt than telt.”

You Are What You Think

 Possibly you already know that the soul is made of three parts: the mind, the will, and the emotions. The mind is also made of three parts: the conscious, the subconscious and the unconscious mind

The dominant thoughts of the conscious mind play an important part in influencing one’s unspoken belief system. If a person constantly dwells on his/her failures, it is probable that he/she will believe he/she is a failure in life at a deeper level. Such a deeply held belief will hinder one’s ability to live a satisfying life even if Jesus is your Lord.

Recently I mentioned vows one makes to oneself that will color one’s whole life. This aspect of undisciplined thoughts accomplishes the same negative results by stealing one’s self-confidence.

For example, the Holy Spirit prompts you to pray for a specific nation. You don’t take that request seriously because you think you are too insignificant; God couldn’t mean for you to make a difference in that nation’s culture. Or, I’m not supposed to take on principalities and powers. So you don’t pray. You become discouraged because you don’t have any assignment in the Kingdom, but you don’t accept assignments because you are not  qualified. Or you aren’t worthy. You eventually lose interest and drift away from your Beloved Lord.

You can’t truly love others until you learn to love and respect yourself. And learning to love and respect oneself is necessary before moving confidently to obey what the Holy Spirit asks of you.

This kind of self-doubt is actually a focus on oneself rather than on Jesus. It is a perverse kind of pride – “O no! I can’t do THAT!” You can quote the Scriptures about “I can do all things through Him Who strengthens me.” But you secretly know better – you really CAN’T. Until you deal with those undisciplined, unbelieving  thoughts, you will not be a victorious overcomer. Take those defiling thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus and who He says you are. His intention is for you to be a reflection of Him and He is not ashamed of Himself regardless of what people say and think about Him. He Is Lord! And you are His child. A child of the King of kings. Find out who He says you are and agree with Him!!!

I’m not giving you Scriptures because I hope you will search the Scripture to find out for yourself what it has to say about God’s children – about you.


Don’t Look Back


A beloved family member died the last day of the year 2018. At first I was joyful because he had given his life to Jesus about six weeks previously. But his widow began to lean on me and grieve over losses regarding his possessions and times with their extended family. Her struggles influenced me as I was moved with compassion for her. Eventually my joy turned to tears as I thought about the things he didn’t get to enjoy: their new home for retirement, a young and growing family, his new diesel truck, old friendships renewed.

The Holy Spirit had given me some promises for 2019 but I was so sorrowful in looking back that I wasn’t meditating on the promises as I should.

At last the longsuffering Holy Spirit whispered tenderly to me, “Don’t look back, Joyce. Look forward to My promises for this coming year.”

I looked up “don’t look back” on the Internet and was surprised at the many quotes. One that I really liked wasn’t Scripture and wasn’t profound. If Cinderella had looked back to pick up her lost shoe she would never have become princess. That struck me funny and has been easy to remember. When I’m tempted to look at the losses in my loved-one’s death, I fix my eyes on Jesus and thank Him for His rich promises for the days that lie ahead.

Jesus doesn’t walk behind me that I should look back. He walks beside me and encourages me to look ahead with hope and expectancy.

He died for my griefs and sorrows. I’m so thankful that I can put them on His shoulders and trust Him for my tomorrows.