Poisoned-Tipped Arrows

“God don’t make no junk!” What flows from His heart is not only love but also creativity. Not one human being is a duplicate of another – not even identical twins! And when He made the day and night, the stars in the heavens, the trees and grass, the huge diversity of animals, He looked it all over and pronounced it “Good.” Even Mankind!

After Adam and Eve’s fall, they were no longer pure but still God wasn’t willing to sigh in disappointment and walk away in defeat. He knew from the beginning that they would fail and even before they were created, God had a plan for their restoration. Their beauty was marred but His love shone brightly as He contemplated the solution. His love was far greater than the physical pain and shame fallen man would pour out on Him.

So He chose to come as a human being to be just Who He was – God as a Man – teaching His followers to know Him and walk in His ways no matter what the cost. That earned Him the hatred of those who imagined they had authority, so they made Him suffer for His insurrection against their laws and traditions. Others have died for their sincerely held beliefs, but this Man rose again from the dead after three days. One of the things to note is that a thief was crucified on a cross next to Jesus’ cross, and that man asked Jesus to remember him.

Luke 23:39 One of the criminals who were hanged there was hurling abuse at Him, saying, “Are You not the Christ? Save Yourself and us!” 40 But the other answered, and rebuking him said, “Do you not even fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? 41 “And we indeed are suffering justly, for we are receiving what we deserve for our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.” 42 And he was saying, “Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!” 43 And He said to him, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise.”

 Jesus came to heal the sick in body and soul, to comfort the poor and desolate, to be a friend to those society doesn’t regard as beautiful.

 Luke 4:17 the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. Unrolling it, He found the place where it was written: 18“The Spirit of the Lord is on Me, because He has anointed Me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim deliverance to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to release the oppressed, 19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

 Another thing I notice when I read the Gospels is that He never “interviewed” anybody before healing them. He healed rich and poor alike without comment. My point is that Jesus loved the people He came to minister to and to save from their sins. ALL of them! The poor and destitute, the widows and orphans, the untouchables, the publicans and tax collectors. God didn’t make any unlovable people. No matter how much the people around you may hate you  as a pedophile or prostitute, or a murderer or political traitor, Jesus gave His precious, beautiful life to pay your debt and give you Life.

Matthew 15:18-19 But whatever goes out of the mouth comes from within, and that’s what makes a person unclean. Evil thoughts, murder, adultery, [other] sexual sins, stealing, lying, and cursing come from within.

 James 3:9-11 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.

 When I mention negative comments as being curses, often traditional Christians get very uncomfortable.

Proverbs 26:2 Like a fluttering sparrow or darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest.

 Traditional Christians know this verse well but they don’t seem to realize that other verses comfort the wrongly accused.

Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For in Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life has set you free from the law of sin and death.…Who will bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.

8:34 Who is there to condemn us? For Christ Jesus, who died, and more than that was raised to life, is at the right hand of God— and He is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?…

Satan comes to kill and steal and destroy. A curse doesn’t necessarily come because we deserve it. Often a curse comes to a follower of Jesus because he is a threat to the enemy. But Jesus knows what power words have and He has provided protection against disabling word curses. In fact, I have found the Holy Spirit to be a fierce Defender against Satan when I am under attack. So much so that my faith in Him is built up and I am enabled to walk on in what He has sent me to do.

Sometimes in His love the Holy One sends a little extra affirmation. In a recent situation a former student assured me several times during a visit that my students hated me. Blanket statements are usually suspect, but I accepted what he said and took it, brokenly, to Jesus. Jesus comforted me, but I couldn’t seem to get the poison-tipped arrow out of my heart. I knew my calling was Teacher and I had done well, yet here was a lie I couldn’t seem to dismiss. I knew I was deeply loved by my beautiful Father, but…. A few days later, a different former student called whom I hadn’t heard from in more than five years. He just wanted to say thank you one more time for the help I had given him in overcoming expulsion from the PhD program that would ordinarily have destroyed him. Then a week or so later another former student, now highly successful, emailed to tell me that he was presently traveling internationally.

The precious, intimate Holy Spirit knows how to comfort His little children and steady their steps. He is so good.


































“Better Felt than Telt”

I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks because I’ve been struggling with growing pains. Since my brother died at the end of December I have been plunged into various griefs, gradually sliding into depression. When I began to grieve my brother’s death the precious Holy One urged me to not look back. My brother’s life was difficult because of the abuse he suffered, but he came to know Jesus at last, and I needed to focus on that major victory.

I was invited to visit a former student in another country but that turned out to be traumatic as both of us had changed substantially. He assured me that my life was useless because my students hated me. I was cut to the core because my profession was a gift from the Lord that I took pleasure in, and now I was being trashed. So I gave it all to Jesus and let Him be my Judge.

For three glorious years I have been cocooned while the precious Lord took me through thorough emotional healing from severe abuse (DID/SRA) (Please see my early posts to follow my journey.). I basked in God’s love and grace and supernatural deliverances. Finally, the sweet Spirit whispered that it was time to move into spiritual adulthood.

My primary function in the Body of Christ is that of intercessor, so I recently  registered for a nearby prayer conference. Hearing what God is doing for our nation and entering into fellowship with others of like precious faith was just what Doctor Jesus ordered! The sense of unity was stronger than I have ever felt in America (We had it in our prayer meetings in China) and I was thrilled.

Now I am home again and refreshed. I know that my teaching experience was NOT a waste of time – that was a lie from the devil; nevertheless, I look forward to much greater things yet to be revealed because God has promised.

It is important for me to share what is happening in my life because there are others behind me who may be wondering why they are going through such rough places in the wilderness. My experience can help explain some of what’s happening in their lives also.

While at the conference I mentioned to several people that I was healed from DID/SRA but they didn’t understand, so there was a lack of appropriate response. Please know that Jesus is pleased with your honest struggles and He will never, ever leave you nor forsake you. You are married to Him and as one with Him. He knows you intimately and loves you so much He took your punishment so that you could be free.

Nothing happens to God’s children by chance. Trust Him. He knows you intimately and will never allow you to walk through more than you can bear. Press against His side and let Him put His arm around you to steady you in your journey. He is an awesome God beyond words to adequately describe. “He is better felt than telt.”

You Are What You Think

 Possibly you already know that the soul is made of three parts: the mind, the will, and the emotions. The mind is also made of three parts: the conscious, the subconscious and the unconscious mind

The dominant thoughts of the conscious mind play an important part in influencing one’s unspoken belief system. If a person constantly dwells on his/her failures, it is probable that he/she will believe he/she is a failure in life at a deeper level. Such a deeply held belief will hinder one’s ability to live a satisfying life even if Jesus is your Lord.

Recently I mentioned vows one makes to oneself that will color one’s whole life. This aspect of undisciplined thoughts accomplishes the same negative results by stealing one’s self-confidence.

For example, the Holy Spirit prompts you to pray for a specific nation. You don’t take that request seriously because you think you are too insignificant; God couldn’t mean for you to make a difference in that nation’s culture. Or, I’m not supposed to take on principalities and powers. So you don’t pray. You become discouraged because you don’t have any assignment in the Kingdom, but you don’t accept assignments because you are not  qualified. Or you aren’t worthy. You eventually lose interest and drift away from your Beloved Lord.

You can’t truly love others until you learn to love and respect yourself. And learning to love and respect oneself is necessary before moving confidently to obey what the Holy Spirit asks of you.

This kind of self-doubt is actually a focus on oneself rather than on Jesus. It is a perverse kind of pride – “O no! I can’t do THAT!” You can quote the Scriptures about “I can do all things through Him Who strengthens me.” But you secretly know better – you really CAN’T. Until you deal with those undisciplined, unbelieving  thoughts, you will not be a victorious overcomer. Take those defiling thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus and who He says you are. His intention is for you to be a reflection of Him and He is not ashamed of Himself regardless of what people say and think about Him. He Is Lord! And you are His child. A child of the King of kings. Find out who He says you are and agree with Him!!!

I’m not giving you Scriptures because I hope you will search the Scripture to find out for yourself what it has to say about God’s children – about you.


Don’t Look Back


A beloved family member died the last day of the year 2018. At first I was joyful because he had given his life to Jesus about six weeks previously. But his widow began to lean on me and grieve over losses regarding his possessions and times with their extended family. Her struggles influenced me as I was moved with compassion for her. Eventually my joy turned to tears as I thought about the things he didn’t get to enjoy: their new home for retirement, a young and growing family, his new diesel truck, old friendships renewed.

The Holy Spirit had given me some promises for 2019 but I was so sorrowful in looking back that I wasn’t meditating on the promises as I should.

At last the longsuffering Holy Spirit whispered tenderly to me, “Don’t look back, Joyce. Look forward to My promises for this coming year.”

I looked up “don’t look back” on the Internet and was surprised at the many quotes. One that I really liked wasn’t Scripture and wasn’t profound. If Cinderella had looked back to pick up her lost shoe she would never have become princess. That struck me funny and has been easy to remember. When I’m tempted to look at the losses in my loved-one’s death, I fix my eyes on Jesus and thank Him for His rich promises for the days that lie ahead.

Jesus doesn’t walk behind me that I should look back. He walks beside me and encourages me to look ahead with hope and expectancy.

He died for my griefs and sorrows. I’m so thankful that I can put them on His shoulders and trust Him for my tomorrows.

Second-Hand Chest of Drawers

A couple of weeks ago I bought a used chest of drawers for my bedroom. The first two nights the chest was in my bedroom I had very bad dreams and defiling, filthy thoughts. That was so disturbing to me that I gave serious thought to the source of the disturbance.

Eventually I recalled buying a second-hand TV stand several years ago and how it seemed to permeate the atmosphere in my living room with filthiness. Possibly the stand had held a DVD player that the former owner had used for R rated movies, or pornography. I anointed the stand with oil and commanded the vibrations of the piece to come into synchronization with my other living room furniture, which it did.

I had bought the chest of drawers from a man who lived with a woman who was not his wife. I knew the woman to be a self-described atheist of poor morals. So I anointed the chest with oil and commanded the vibrations to come into harmony with my other furniture. After that second night I had no more disturbing sleep.

For those of my readers who are not familiar with the idea of inanimate objects having vibrations, I’ve included a link below for more information. As a Christian who takes every thought captive, this information is important in your walk with Jesus. I am not speaking of demon possession in this situation, but I am warning you to pray over the second hand items you bring into your home.


When Emotional Healing Is Complete

Since the first of January 2019 I have felt that my emotional healing journey is complete. There has been a lull in the focus on my soul and I have realized a need to attend to my spirit. That is, the Word says:

I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Thes 5:23).

If a person’s soul has been ravaged by severe abuse and alternate personalities developed, if fragments of one’s soul have shattered, then most likely the spirit of the person has also been deeply wounded.

While the foundation of Dissociation Identity Disorder (DID) is self-hatred, that self-contempt can’t usually be addressed until the emotional wounds have been healed. And I found that to be the case with me. These last two months the precious Holy Spirit has been bringing back bitter root memories and the vows I made. In the recent blog posts I have mentioned some of them and the power of the words I spoke only to myself.

There isn’t much on the Internet to turn to but I have found some teaching that the Holy One has used to bring Light to my understanding. As I sit before Him and ask for His revelation of who I am, I am struck with the complexity of His creation of humanity. Teaching the spirit to take dominion over the soul is actually a journey into the transparency of all that we are. A journey into holiness.

Hebrews 12:14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:

One particular area of my soul has continued to be a problem for me and I have begged the Lord to help my spirit gain dominion over it. I’ve made good progress and recently He gave me this thought from Psalm 131

Lord, my heart is not haughty,

Neither do I concern myself with great matters,

Nor my eyes lofty.

Nor with things too profound for me.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,

Like a weaned child with his mother;

Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

I am no longer struggling with issues to be healed but with issues that require self-discipline. New habits and new ways of thinking need to be crafted. That thought brought me so much understanding and I come before my Lord with confidence but also  humility as I realize that I am a work in progress. The Lord is so kind and faithful and gentle. What an awesome God He is!

Yearning Beyond Words

As I was communing with the Holy One He took me to the Throne Room. Jesus was standing in His glorious shinning robe of Light  trimmed with sparkling jewels of many colors. As I entered, He turned to look at me – really look – in a direct, searching gaze. His face was sober and I knew He was searching my spirit for what lay  within. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that His work was to prepare a Bride worthy of the Father’s only begotten Son.

“Whosoever will may come”. What a mixed group of people have come to the Lord to be redeemed from sin and sorrow! The Holy Spirit embraces each one with love and tenderness and begins the work of preparing them to take their place in the corporate Bride.

I thought of Jacob, the supplanter who became Israel; Elijah, a hairy man dressed in animal skins and fed by black birds; the twelve very human Apostles; the thief on the cross beside the dying Jesus; my recently departed brother who led a hard life before surrendering to Jesus; and countless others we might consider insignificant but precious to the Father and His Son.

As I looked deeply into Jesus’ eyes I could see His inexpressible yearning for His Bride. The depth of His passion stirred me with wonder and reverence.

I thought about the process Esther went through before going in to King Ahasuerus – the baths and spices, lessons in court protocol…. (Esther 2:12). While Jesus has returned to His Father to prepare a place for His Bride, His trusted Friend, the beautiful Holy Spirit, is  preparing us, teaching us, saturating us with His alluring fragrance.

Jesus’ love for a broken, ruined mankind is supremely awesome. He knew before creating us what it would cost Him, yet He withheld nothing to redeem us to Himself. We are His treasure. In Matthew 6:21 Jesus told His listeners that where their treasure was, that’s where their heart would be. Likewise, where is Jesus’ heart? What is Jesus’ treasure? He treasures you and me above everything, even above His own life. He is my sacred Treasure. I look forward to the consummation of our marriage in the near future.  

Bitter Root Judgments

When I was about 7 years old I can remember confiding in my grandmother something that Jesus had said to me and asked her not to tell. But she promptly announced my secret to the rest of the family and I was deeply chagrined. I felt so trashed. Trivialized. I promised myself that I wouldn’t share secrets with anyone ever again. That experience and resulting vow stayed with me throughout my life. I kept the vow but experienced the loneliness of alienation. As a seven year old I didn’t know Hebrews 12:15, nor did I identify with it’s message. Now that I am a fully integrated adult, the Holy Spirit is working in me to develop more awareness of my need for purity of soul and spirit.

Recently I was away from my apartment for extended travel so I asked a trusted friend to keep my check book and personal documents while I was gone. When I returned home I had to ask three times to get my documents and working cash returned. My concern for privacy was completely violated when I saw that nearly all my files were out of order. I felt so betrayed.

After my initial shock wore off the Holy Spirit began to speak to my heart about bitter root judgments and how others are defiled by my bitterness. He brought back the memory of my grandmother’s betrayal. But I had never thought about how my vows could influence others. This time, as an adult, I understood and allowed the precious Holy One to bring light to my understanding. As this revelation began to open up memories, I was crushed at the damage I had done to people I cared about.

Rather than confront the trusted friend who violated my privacy, I realized I had influenced/defiled her and repented for my bitter root judgment of my grandmother. Somehow my friend had misunderstood my reason for not leaving my important papers at home when I traveled.

At other times I have over-reacted to situations where people had not meant to harm me, but I misinterpreted their actions and words because of those inner vows made so long ago and then forgotten.

Repenting of vows made and falling out of agreement with them is extremely important when you consider that it frees you to experience deeper, sweeter intimacy with the precious Bridegroom. It’s worth the pain of realization of your/my sin. (See previous post.)  

Hebrews 12:14-15 (NIV) 14 Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Root Issues in the Context of DID

Loneliness, self-hatred, self-contempt, self-abandonment, self-betrayal….

Healing and integration of multiple alternate personalities has been complete in me for about a year and I have been establishing a foundation for the new, integrated personality I am enjoying. While I am stronger, yet there are times when I struggle with uncertainty about who I am. Not as a multiple but simply as a person. I second guess myself and have difficulty in making decisions. After making the decision I still feel uncertain about what I decided. If I made what appeared to be a wrong choice I would be so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment in myself that my focus on my Beloved Lord was interrupted for days.

By chance (Is there such a thing?) I came upon information about inner vows and bitter root judgments that turned a light on for me. For some reason I associated inner vows and bitter root judgments with how I saw other people but didn’t apply that criticism to myself. So I was castigating myself bitterly. That was long ago but I had never renounced those inner vows so they were still at work.

Over-the-top anger, guilt, anxiety can be a warning flag. Responses that are too strong for a given situation are indications that inner vows may be at work.

I can remember confiding in my grandmother something that I asked her not to share. But she promptly announced my secret to the rest of the family and I was chagrined. I promised myself that I wouldn’t share secrets with anyone ever again. I kept the vow but experienced the loneliness of alienation.

To break those vows is easy enough. Simply confess your self-hatred to Jesus and repent for regarding yourself as less than worthy. Jesus died not only for all people, He died just for you. And His precious Blood reaches deeper than the stain of sin has gone. Break the cords that bind you to the vows and ask Jesus to set you free and cauterize the ends so they don’t bleed out.

I was surprised at the new freedom I gained in relationship with my sweet Holy Spirit – a new confidence in Him, a more intense focus on His love and acceptance of me. He was there all the time but I couldn’t receive His love because of my attitude of self-condemnation.

Romans 8:1-2 Bible (AMP) Therefore there is now no condemnation [no guilty verdict, no punishment] for those who are in Christ Jesus [who believe in Him as personal Lord and Savior]. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life [which is] in Christ Jesus [the law of our new being] has set you free from the law of sin and of death.

Symbolism of Dreams and Visions

If you have dreams and visions you may often feel at a loss of how to interpret  them biblically. I’ve had that problem and am very hesitant to go on-line to dream interpretation sites. But even after finding what various symbols may mean, I still had trouble interpreting the dream or vision.

For example, I have seen Jesus a number of times  wearing a sharp black business suit. Black usually means darkness or sin, but that couldn’t be the symbolism in this case. I found an excellent site that explained meanings of colors (Collection of Prophetic Meanings of Colors by Carol Nemitz) from a Christian/biblical perspective. I am also blessed to know a brother who has a prophetic gifting and is courageous enough to tell me what he believes the symbols mean. If you know such a person be very respectful of them and their gifting because they are meant to be a gift to the Body of Jesus. Ask them questions. Where did they get their information or ideas? Usually the dreamer will have some indication of the meaning, whether negative or positive. Sometimes the dreamer will be completely surprised but will have a witness of the truth of what the prophet says.

The more you make an effort to remember your dreams the more your dreams will be a blessing to you. Don’t ignore a scene that flashes before your eyes. Yesterday morning I saw a beautiful Victorian house but it faded before my eyes. Was that something from the Lord? I wasn’t sure so I looked it up on the Internet. A Victorian house could represent a tradition or something from the past. A day or two previously I had received a Scripture admonishing me to remember not the things of the past nor consider the events of old (Isaiah 43:18-19. The vision of Jesus in a black business suit came the following morning and I found an interpretation that suggested that Jesus’ appearance in a black suit represented the end of a season and the beginning of a new season. The second vision confirmed that Jesus wanted me to let the past fade and move into a new season. I needed to know that so I could cooperate with the Holy Spirit in His guidance.

Trying to understand the meanings of dreams and visions helps to keep our minds focused on the Lord and His purposes for our lives. He is pleased when we focus on Him and meditate on His Word and His revelations. Be cautious about using dream sites that are New Age and occultic. Accept sites that are clearly biblical and ask the Lord to lead you to someone who can help to interpret/prophesy.

Other good sites: